Are deep family roots always a good thing to have? My family has been living in East Tennessee since before the American Revolution. I know the back roads, the shops, and the people and I often feel like I am trapped in a cage. I really don't have anything in common with most of the people of my family and, truth be told, don't care for their company most of the time. Its not that they are weird or twisted, just different than me with different values and beliefs. I am grateful for them especially with my parents helping us with some of our bills while my wife finishes school, but they make my life very lonely at times. Most of my friends that I like to socialize with and visit or eat out with (Which we rarely do at today's prices) live quite q long way away from here. It is a 45 minute drive just to get to the closest of them.
When I think about moving out of the area it begins to feel like the day when I will get paroled. At the same time I am scared because we do have a safety net in place here and I know that here we will never be homeless. I am also an only child with parents who are getting older every day and there is no one else to care for them in their twilight years. The land that their house sets on was passed down through the family and I know that isn't the place I want to grow old with Heather but it will probably become mine. I am sure that I will not win any favor with my family if I decide to sell it.
I really like the idea of starting your own roots in a place that I want to grow old in, is of my own choosing and not just where I happened to be born and raised. I sometimes go to the extreme of thinking about buying an RV and just living wherever I choose to take it. There is something really appealing about the nomadic lifestyle. I know that sounds strange after the way I opened this blog but if a nomad doesn't like their neighborhood or their neighbors, they move on. Everyone used to want to make their mark on the world and now we want to reduce our "footprint" as much as we can. Part of the appeal is waiting to see what is over the next hill. Many of these people have seen the sun rise over the Atlantic, set over the Pacific, and all points between. It also means that they have the chance to find a place on the earth where they feel like they belong and have a needed space to fill, in other words, home.
Maybe I'm just bored with where I live. If that is so then the best that I can do to make it better is to change the world around me. Sometimes that is like trying to raise the ocean level by spitting into it. A lot of this area is run using "good ole boy" politics. It means that if you are a little different then you can almost forget about making a difference. Mix this with living in a very thick part of the bible belt and you get a lot of hate and prejudice covered in a moral indignity. It makes me look around and feel like I could cry or scream. I love this country with all my heart but I wish that people here were more open and mature in when looking at their fellow humans. Add to that the fact that we have homeless, drug users, dealers, and labs, violent crimes, home invasions, robbery, rape, and murder. Many people say that it is still better than the big cities but is it when our population is so much lower here.
Right now I live in a trailer and feel afraid all the time. I know how easy it is to get into these when you want in and I worry for my wife and our pets which we call our babies. I just want to feel safe again like I did when I was a kid here and 1 newsworthy violent crime or drug bust per month was the average news instead of daily. It no longer feels like home here and I am still trapped.
